Thursday, August 31, 2006

giving up

often, I feel like giving up.
giving up all...
stop being who I want myself to be.
just stop being anybody.

it's too difficult.
i'm tired of living.
tired of studying, eating, helping, and even sleeping...
simply too tired!

many times, i live just for the sake of people around me.
simply just don't want to care about my life.
i don't want to die yet don't want to live
living is not easy...

but just thinking bout the people i love keeps me going
many times, i survived because of them
i do not know what i would be without them
many times, i live for just for their sake

pushing forward is my only choice, i guess.

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Friday, August 25, 2006

Busy... busy...

I have been crazily busy with

assignmetssss
group counselling
church
homework
research
exam

tak tahan! every night sure got activities...

1st test result not so good but anyway, since I had studied hard and I believe everything will go well if I continue to trust in HIM - the one who holds my future.

Bye. Gtg do assignment.

By the way, I'll be back to Malacca at 30th/31th of Ogos.
Less than a week to go... *super excited*
I LOVE MALACCA!!!
Love and enjoy Malacca while you can...

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Tuesday, August 15, 2006

The road ahead

The road ahead is bright,
Full of milk and honey.
My future is well-planed by God,
a perfect and prosperous plan.

The light is at the far end of the road.
It's where the milk and honey are.
I see God in front, ahead of me,
I saw His promises from a far.

On the way, the road is rocky and crooked.
I lost my way.
Life is not a bed of roses.
I didn't know who to believe and look up to, at times.

Passersby told me much about the beauty of the road ahead,
but I was not given a map or lamp.
Church, family, The Word, and friends assured me of God's plan,
but I do not know exactly the way to His plan.

I wanted to walked thorugh a short cut.
Left and right I asked but I get more lost
I did my best and do everything I could.
Yet, I am still not satisfied.

I reached a rest place.
A place to take a long break.
I just wanted to give up.
I just want to stop doing everything.

There, I met a friend.
He held my hand and carried me through.
Once again, I re-encounter God, the Savior.
Letting go everything in to Him.


Letting Him taking control is not easy task.
Less of me, more of Him.
Less independent, more dependent on Him.
Easy to say but hard to do.

Either I trust Him or loose everything.
I don't know what he is and going to do.
I am blur and in days...
Yet, I have no choice than to trust Him.

I wanted to be in control of my life now.
Letting go my plans and dreams is hard.
Trusting Him has a greater plan for me is hard too.
But who else should I trust if not Him?

He is my map and lamp in life,
I am lost without Him.
I need Him to be with me, not in front but beside me.
I am totally lost without you, Lord.

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Saturday, August 12, 2006

Changed

Since coming to UPM, I have changed.

Last time, I didn't listen to radio/cd except in the car or in church.
I hated 'noise'. I simple could not stand! Radio = noise!!
I could not do 2 things at 1 time. I needed full concentration and perfect silent.

I used to amaze at how Fin and Jien could study with music.
I could not listen to music while study. I would get headache or dizzy or distracted.
Even whispers irritated me. I felt like squeezing and 'hempit' those 'noise-r'.

Now in UPM, I listen to music most of the time. What a big change!
After 18.67 years (not yet 19 but 18.67), finally, I am like the others students who have the skill of listen to music while studying.
And, I realized I could study in nosier environment!
I don't know what happen to me!

Anyone want to cadang theories for my sudden change?
Haha... *sign of study too much*

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Friday, August 11, 2006

Demonstration

For the 1st time in my life, I went for 'World Peace' demonstration organized by UPM.

I went with one purpose. My purpose was to get merit points (to stay in college).

It sounded so crazy and nonsense. However, it turned out to be a very funny experience I will always remember.

The normal things that happen in a demonstration happened in front of my eyes. Lots of banners, students wore head band, blocking the roads and some wore masks.

Some dressed up as the victim of war. Some make-up like a ghost. Someone even made a 'dead man' lying on the bed. Freaking scary! Many were shouting and yelling, "World peace! World peace!".

Many were fooling around and making a fool of themselves. Hahaha...
I doubt they understood what 'World Peace' was.

This demonstration in a way was like a beauty pageant where every contestant supports world peace but knows nothing about world peace.

After I wrote down my name for attendance, I cabut balik.
*clever *pat on shoulder*

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Tuesday, August 08, 2006

He or She?

Yesterday, my course mates and I went to eat breakfast.

I ordered my roti canai telur. Then, I sat down.

I was admiring a pair nicely shaped eyebrow. It was not too thin.
And her beautiful flawless face too. Not a single pimple.
Wa... and her make-up was well done. Not too thick like pancake.
Her blouse was nice too, a well-ironed white shirt with embroidered flowers. Just like what I wanted.
She was a little big size but still dressed well.

After admiring her for awhile, she started talking

"Class pukul berapa?" she asked in a deep solid voice.

Oh my goodness!!!
AR!!!!!!!
SHE is actually a HE!!!!!!!
How could it be!!!!!!!

She, oh I mean HE really fooled me.
I was amazed by her 'beauty'. I am ashamed of my make-up skills.
I kept thinking how she learned all those complicated girlish stuff.
Shaping eyebrows make up, hair styling, dress well, walk gentle... The list goes on.
So far, it was the closest 'He in She' I have seen.

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Sunday, August 06, 2006

Life

Lately, I did lots of thinking.
Thinking about life, my life.
What had I done for 18.5 years?

At first, I couldn't give myself answer.
All I could think of was eat, play, study and sleep.
Life sounded so meaningless.
Desperately, I wanted to cry.

Then, suddenly, I remember about God.
All my life I know Him personally.
He has become a big part of my life.
All these years, I wanted to follow Him closely.

Once again, I remember His grace upon my life.
I remember how He uniquely answered my prayers.
I remember how He faithfully granted me peace and strength.
I remember how He was so real to me.

Once again, I remember of my family and friends.
I remember how blessed I am to have a wonderful family.
I remember the times I spend with my family and friends.
And, I remember that I belong to the family of God too!

After much thought, life seems more meaningful and more life!
Reflecting of the past put a smile on my face.
I am amaze by God's goodness in my life.
I wonder what God had prepared for me.

Once again, I am reminded that the reason I am living!

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Saturday, August 05, 2006

Master

"Mum, I think I want to take master. I want to study more" proudly I exclaimed.

"Ya, good. Jien said you started studying when you were in form 4."
-_-"!!!!!! *speechless*

Truth hurts!

After mum said it, the statement kept spinning in my head like a washing machine.

The statement seemed like a joke but it's so true for me.

Before form 4, all I did was eat, laugh, sleep, get angry, go church, cry, and breathe. I couldn't remember a time I seriously studied. This explains why I am still not tired of studying. Sigh.

Many times, I felt I am the youngest in the family! After Jien said that, lagi la...
Sigh. What to do?

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Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Drumstick with Kit Kat

Now, I am enjoying Drumstick with Kit Kat. Yum yum...

It's fattening but it's too yumlicious!! If you are chocolate + ice cream's lover like me, have a break, have a Drumstick with Kit Kat!!

Chocolate + ice-cream = SUE ERN

Ten minutes ago, I was furious, fuming, mad, and super angry!!!!!!! The one and only male piggy in my course borrowed my laptop. Then, he sms-ed to say he was waiting downstairs to return to me.

I went downstairs.

5 minutes... 10 minutes... 15 minutes...
2 sms sent. 4 calls. 2 voice messages.

No reply! Ish... I couldn't stand (or sit) any longer.
I went back my room, fuming, mad, and super angry!!!!!!!!

After a few seconds, he called.
I went down, prepared to give him a loooong lecture!

Before I could say anything,
"For you!" He held out the Drumstick with Kit Kat
I was speechless. I was like been charmed. I did casually mention that I wanted the Drumstick with Kit Kat but...

He was so nice. He made my meaningless busy day, very happy!
I can't believe I'm eating Drumstick with Kit Kat. Heh!
Phew! All I could say was "Thank You!" All the firing words just disappeared!

He stuffed my mouth with Drumstick with Kit Kat and stopped me from scolding.
Good trick! Very clever of him! If not, sure kena from me.

So have you eaten Drumstick with Kit Kat? If not, give a try!

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Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Annoyie Taggy

Tag? Ish...

Lame. Boring. Nonsense. Wasting time.

However, since I got permintaan tinggi from some-bodies, I will fulfill their wish. What to do... High demand. *cough cough*

The tagged victim has to come up with 8 different points about his/her perfect lover.Mention the gender of his/her perfect lover.Tag eight other victims to join this game and leave a comment on their blog.If u are tagged the second time, there is no need to do this again.Lastly, most importantly, have fun doing it!

My super-duper-perfect lover must be a human with chromosome X Y
If you are one of them, CONGRATULATIONS!!! You stand a chance to be the super-duper-perfect lover... *SS again*

8 qualities in the super-duper-perfect lover *drum roll...*


  1. Loves God passionately and obey Him with all his heart. God is the center of his life.

  2. Loves me, of cause.

  3. Get along well with my family and good friends.

  4. Always happy, positive, joyful and energetic in every situation.

  5. Practice the fruit of the spirit. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

  6. Likes to talk but at the same time a good listener.

  7. Not a workaholic. Not crazy about work, work, work...

  8. Confident and quick to make wise decisions.


Since I'm super understanding, I won't TAG anyone.

By the way, what is the definition for perfect lover?
Not a single human is perfect!

Perfect lover = alien?

Read more...

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